Just when you thought it was safe to swim buck nekkid…

I grew up fishing, and I love being out on a river or lake in a boat.  Notice I said, in a boat.  My rules on swimming is simple, if I can’t see my feet and the concrete bottom, I’m not swimming in that water.  That said, a recent discovery in the strait that separates the Danish island Zealand from the southern Swedish province of Scania should make more people, especially men, consider adopting my rules for swimming.

From CNN:

(CNN) — Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, as the saying goes, male skinny-dippers in Scandinavia are being warned about a fish infamous for munching on testicles.

Yes, you read that right.

The Pacu, native to South America, was found by a fisherman in the Danish/Swedish strait of Oresund, according to experts at the Natural History Museum of Denmark.

I’m a fan of the Animal Planet Channel’s tv show River Monsters, and on that show Jeremy Wade actually caught Pacu on one episode and discussed their alleged nut munching.

If you’re not concerned because a South American ball breaker was caught in Scandinavian waters, the fish has already been documented in American waters too.  The Pacu has already been caught in Illinois and Texas amongst other states.  That lets you know that they don’t give a rat’s ass about the current left/right or liberal/conservative fight going on here.  They’re said to be primarily plant eaters, but they love to eat nuts.  I’m wondering when the noodling fishermen are going to decide to take on the challenge of “noodling” for Pacu.  Something tells me that nobody’s that crazy, but I have been proven wrong before.

Just to feed the conspiracy mill, I have to include one explanation of how the Pacu came to be.  From Christwire.org:

The men of Illinois should be very afraid.  A miliant group of lesbian atheists have used genetics to create a breed of fish called the Pacu.  The name of the fish is an anagram that stands for Penis Amputating Castrations Underwater.  The pacu fish is actually a specialized genetic weapon.

The pacu river beast was first discovered not far from a genetics research facility in South America.  The host of television show River Monsters, Jeremy Wade, went to investigate horror stories from local fishermen, who claimed a fish ‘with the mouth of a human hooker’ were killing male villagers by brutally malling of their genitals.

Men, you have been warned.  Swim buck nekkid at your own risk…

*Christwire.org is a parody site for those who do not know…

Also, it’s not just balls that you have to worry about.  If you think the Pacu is dangerous, you don’t want to know about the Candiru.  All I can say is, O-U-C-H!!!!!

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4 thoughts on “Just when you thought it was safe to swim buck nekkid…

  1. Thanks Bro, now everyone thinks I’m a perv cause I’m sitting here shielding my junk reading this story. YOU explain it to HR when they call me up there. LOL

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    • Just give me a buzz, and I’ll mediate things for you. I imagine any males in HR would completely understand why your actions took place. I alternated between wincing and laughing while I was writing this. I just hope that when it’s my time to go, it’s not because some fish chewed off my balls.

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